While complete honesty is highly recommended in a relationship, there is an ongoing debate around just how honest one is supposed to be. When entering a relationship there is a strong bond between you and your partner and because of this, you feel obligated to disclose EVERYTHING about yourself. Well, psychologists say this is not necessary.
First of all, regardless of whether you are now in a committed bond with another human being, you still need your privacy. You need to maintain a connection and relationship with yourself (and yes, it is possible to have a relationship with yourself). That is why boundaries are so important in a relationship; you need to know how far is far. Here are a few tips I picked up from Expresso this morning:
1. Best friends’ secrets are not meant to be shared
I get quite irritated with people who allow you to confide in them only to find their partner has been filled in as well. I once confided in a guy friend who then told his girlfriend about it, and when I asked why he had done this, he said that he couldn’t lie to her when she asked what we had spoken about. How do you confide in someone about somebody else’s business? At the same time, I feel the girlfriend should’ve understood that I spoke to him in confidence and should’ve showed some respect for our friendship.
The same thing happened with one of my girlfriends, and up until this day I don’t share any personal information with her.
2. Don’t share passwords
I know a little bit about this one. In my previous relationship we had an ‘open policy’ and as a sign of this shared passwords. I never thought I needed to make use of it until one day, I just took a chance. To my surprise, I found quite a few inappropriate conversations, a few lies here and there and a hell of a lot of reasons for my trust to be totally destroyed. While this exposed the truth to me and allowed for me to make a few changes in my life, the way I went about it was not right.
Snooping into your partner’s personal space is unacceptable and shows a lack of trust on your side. If your partner is honest enough to share their password with you don’t break that trust. And if there is something nasty going on that you don’t know about, it will come out one way or another but keep things clean on your side.
3. Don’t show dislike for their family
How we feel on the inside has a way of showing up on the outside, in our behaviour and our attitudes and especially how we treat others. I know meeting the family can be daunting because so much pressure is placed on you to make an impression and when placed in a situation like this, most of us creep back into our shells. Often, your fear of failing to impress can come across as hostility and your message completely misinterpreted. Don’t make this mistake. Decide in your mind that even if you feel scared, you are going to face it with positivity.
In the same way, don’t express dislike for your partner’s family, learn to get along with them and don’t be closed-minded. Often, we make prejudgements and get it all wrong! Instead of complaining about how stuck up his sister is or how competitive her father is, take time to get to know them better and open up your mind to understand them from all points of view. Remember that family is important; if you don’t get along with them you’re going to experience issues in your relationship. If you love your partner, you won’t make them choose between you and their family.
Soak it in and spread the word guys, let’s start healthy relationships.
Xoxo
Sassi Samm
